It’s very frustrating to be lectured about the merits of starting and raising a family, especially if the lecture comes from young conservatives who don’t have any kids but who always look to be enjoying every second of their free time. Off the top of my head, I could probably name a dozen of these self-proclaimed champions of “traditional values.” They travel wherever and whenever, doing their journalistic activism, while occasionally taking a break so as to rave about how “the Left is trying to destroy the family!” and that the “decline of birthrates is the end of Western Civilization!” It is frequently implied that the best life is one served as a parent, manning the nuclear household. During these rants, no crying child is ever heard in the background.
Nevermind that that free time, that unquenchable thirst for study and artistry, the energy directed towards these individual passions, must necessarily take a backseat (even if a temporary 10 or 20 years) when one becomes a parent. These irony-deficient loudmouths think that because they babysat their niece and nephew one afternoon that they are now qualified to encourage the hardship that is parenting: the endless fighting, screaming and crying, needing to stop whatever it is you’re doing, the sleepless nights, the expenses, the inability to get up and go, the noise and the lack of solitude (never mind years of court battles with someone who tricked you into being a parent). This is on top of the fact that the 21-century newborn will be growing up in a technocratic hell. And how to keep them safe from that?
But sure, it might be possible for a few privileged souls to juggle their passions with their progeny. However, you likely have some money in the bank, an education that takes you further, babysitters and schools that you can trust, and with a partner or family members willing to watch the kids. If not, then you’re likely going through family court, with judges and lawyers negotiating child support and restraining orders.
More often, “traditionally,” one parent works and the other rears, which takes up nearly all the ticks on the clock; there’s precious little time in the week in which to read 3 books or write 3,000 good words. Some people are more disposed to the parenting lifestyle, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with anyone deciding not to have kids. Not unlike the mythical Bigfoot, there are those of us who simply must have that time for ourselves, for all the reasons stated. The need for quiet individuality is not a reaction to parenthood; it’s what makes up our entire character, something developed long before we had borne any little clones.
Of course, you can argue for or against anything without being personally affected yourself. There’s nothing inconsistent about that — just as I can argue against murder without knowing someone who’s been murdered. But, again, it’s the omission that’s always annoying: “Good luck devoting 4–5 hours a day to your arts or studies or travels. No more quiet moments to do what you want. It’ll be much more difficult to jump in a car or plane and go wherever. Now you must always be on call to take care of little people who need to be fed and have their butts wiped. So if you can’t devote your entire life to them, don’t procreate.”
Why, young conservative, will you not make these admonitions a part of your program? Just say these words outright, dear young, happy, childless conservative. Be brave. Have some probity. Say it while you sip margaritas, out on your 10th vacation this year, whispering glibly about how “one day” you’ll get around to creating your own little buggers.
Then think back to the heartache constantly seen on shows like Maury and Dr. Phil. Ask your partner if they plan on sticking around for 20 years. Or if instead you think the local family judge will soon know your faces. Ask the question again, this time in the mirror, maybe even with the honesty-inducing effects of intoxication coursing through your veins: Are you sure?
As I see it, if you’re a young conservative in your early 20’s or older, and you aren’t currently trying to find a mate to settle down and raise kids with, then you should stop lecturing others about what they should be doing.
The author of Indictments from the Convicted is trying to become rich, if only so that he may buy his yacht and secede from civilization. To help him achieve this, buy his damn book. OR, consider making a contribution to his Patreon. OR, check out his column on Medium. OR, check out some of his other essays — including studies on the American Police State, Genital Mutilation, Clintonism, and his seminal argument In Favor of Hatred.
